What a disappointing word!

Failure is also a point of emphasis in January because it is failure that led us to resolve to be different in the first place, and it is failure that will make us doubt those resolutions and goals when life becomes difficult, or temptation returns.

I had joked that I’d wait until the third week in January to send that email out because I needed time for all my resolutions and goals to break down to have some fodder for the email.

Good news! It only took eight days to have enough failures in the New Year to write about it! Don’t you feel so lucky!

Ugh.

I started a workout program in the New Year to kickstart my process of (1) keeping the previous year’s 30lbs off and (2) starting my next thirty pounds of loss. Within a few days, I threw my back out, with it spasming and cramping up tight as a stuck valve. I was in so much pain that I, yes even I, went to the doctor to ask for pain relief and a referral to physical therapy. I spend most of my time at my house on a heating pad in bed or on the floor.

All because I over-exerted myself like I knew I would but, in my denial, had figured wouldn’t hurt me that bad this time. This time would be different. I’m literally a walking definition of insanity for you to witness. 

This back issue also killed my hopes for 10k steps a day, as on day eight of the New Year I succumbed to the pain and didn’t make my goal. The fact that I’d kept trying as much as I did probably further aggravated my back pain, but again…insanity.

I am technically still making my writing goal of 500 words a day, but only because I had a couple of solid writing days early in the month. I haven’t had a 500 word writing day in several days. Just more fodder for the newsletter.

I want to say you’re welcome, but even in tongue and cheek it’s embarrassing.

The Bible Speaks

The Bible doesn’t say a whole lot on non-moral failures. After all, it’s a guidebook on how to have a relationship with God. God seems to be less concerned with my failed New Year’s goals and more interested in how my heart is doing, which honestly isn’t super great as I wallow in my defeat.

We don’t read how Abram slaughtered the wrong lamb and missed out on a fourfold increase in his flock, all due to him misjudging the spring’s mating season that year. It may have happened. Maybe never did. It’s precisely because it isn’t a moral issue that we don’t hear about it. What we do hear about is that he said his wife was his sister, which nearly ruined the Pharoah. While just a half-lie, it was not a whole truth, and God had to intervene.

We don’t read about how David, while tending his father’s flock, let a couple of them loose inside the house, frustrating his mother to no end, and leaving him cleaning up quite a mess in the aftermath. Why? Because God was far more interested in David’s heart. That’s why we read about Bathsheba, David’s sinful actions with her, and God’s judgment. It is the moral failure that has God’s interest.

I could go on about moral failures because I have a lot of experience with those too, unfortunately. And Romans chapter one and several other places are ripe picking for those who want to stress the importance of strict adherence to God’s commands, even for those of us who believe in God’s gracious salvation.

What I want to stress today are the little failures, however, even those that are sometimes bigger than we want to admit. It may not be a moral failure to fail at my new workout regimen, or to miss my wordcount target for a few days in a row, but these failures, more than just stopping my yearly goals so quickly in the New Year, offer opportunity for the enemy to beat me down and to derail other areas of life. His aim is to take these non-moral failures and turn them into failures that affect my relationship with God.

I’m also behind on my daily Bible reading and that’s where these little goal failures start to pile up. It’s also where the Bible comes to the rescue.

Proverbs 24:16 (ESV) says, “for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.”

So, I read my Bible today. I’m four days behind as I write this and hope to be back on track in the coming week.

I can’t get back to working out because…well, my back…but I can get back up again by going to the physical therapist and asking him how to get better and move on. I can keep trying (smartly this time…not like I’m still 18 and in great shape).

I hope you will too.

Hey, did you set goals for 2024? I’d love to hear about them, and how they’re going so far. Good or bad. Let me know!

I’ll write about those moral failures in the next newsletter, because they are important, and the first hints of forgiveness, as we head toward Easter Sunday this year. I hope this article has blessed you!

I used to run with Chris Gennaro and his wife, Michelle. In fact, it was they who got me interested in running long distances. We’d often train together on Mission Bay in San Diego and I ran with them during my first two half marathons. Through running, and learning about their desire to be missionaries in Africa, I grew to love them both. In particular, Chris made a lasting impact on me as a husband, father, friend, and Christian.

Be that as it may, I never would have thought I’d take so long to get over someone’s death. Others have bothered me, but Chris’ death troubled my spirit way down deep, where my innermost thoughts live and where, I suspect, my darkest doubts lie as well. I can tell you this: I had never prayed so hard and with so much faith as I had prayed for Chris. I have never prayed for anything that important since, and probably never will again…not without a heavy dose of faith delivered first from God.

Chris Gennaro, missionary to Lesotho, contracted encephalitis in January 2013 and passed on 16 February of the same year. He and Michelle, along with their six children (two adopted from orphanages in Africa), had moved to Lesotho to work in God’s harvest. He had just started really ministering to the people of Lesotho…his people. I remember that because it was one of my prayers. “God, don’t let him die now. He just got to really know people!”

I don’t know how many people prayed prayers like that, but it was in the hundreds. Try as we may, we couldn’t stop the mighty hand of God from carrying out his will in Chris and Michelle’s lives. Chris Gennaro had become expendable in God’s plan. Like those who are killed for their faith, my dear friend died in the harvest field.

As I read her story and think back to the moment, this is where Michelle and I take separate roads in our grieving process. Her story of course, is far more important. I watched a woman of God struggle with intense emotions, yet she came through on the other end trusting God more. It was no surprise, then, that she went back to Africa as a teacher to missionary kids. She now resides in San Diego and supports Africa Inland Mission (AIM) as the Southwest region mobilizer.

I had to take a different path in my faith due to Chris’ death, which has taught me several things over the years. I’d like to share them with you now.

First, it taught me that the grieving process can take years to get over. I’m not his widow, and I can’t imagine what she goes through. What I do know, as someone who loved Chris, that his death has been very difficult to move on from. Not all the time…but definitely some of the time.

Second, it’s hard to trust God with big prayer requests when he seems to have let you down. I prayed hard while Chris was sick, but as the days went on, it became clear that he wasn’t going to make it. While his family sang hymns on the night of his passing, I was preparing my resentment against God. My faith changed a lot that day. I remember standing up in my office when I learned that he’d passed, walking to my door, and shutting it. That day, I also shut the door on God for a long while. My rebellion was substantial.

I remember, as Chris was dying, that a song got into my head and wouldn’t leave me. It’s by Brian “Head” Welch, of Korn fame. Here are a few lines from the song “Paralyzed:”

Why is my love so cold? No more will I pretend
Gasping for air as you’re slipping through my fingers
Don’t kiss me goodbye, please don’t leave here
The smell of sacrifice, Your disappearing whispers
I cannot grasp how my life inside just withers
Don’t kiss me goodbye, please don’t leave here.

Those words hurt so bad when Chris died.

Third, I learned that God is still God even when I feel like he isn’t. Just because I throw a tantrum doesn’t mean that God comes down from his throne. He is still very much Lord of all even when I don’t want him to be. Sometimes, I feel the weight of that majesty and sometimes I feel the blessing from it, but one thing is constant: it’s always there. He does not rely on me in order to stay the King of the universe. As I struggled in the last five years to understand God and his love, his majesty seemed to grow even more dominant. It was as if I was to feel the constant pressure of his glory until I came around.

Another song comes to mind now as I remember the struggle. It is called “Hands in the Air” by a group called The Waiting. Here is a sample of the lyrics, but really the entire song is simply amazing.

Light from my window sill, make my way to the door
I hang my head and still, I know you’re wanting more
Over the threshold now, I move across the yard
All that my will allows, my every step is hard
Now in the garden I carve out six feet of space
There make my will comply, lie down upon my face
Been toe to toe too long, I’m tired of fighting You
I see You were too strong ’cause I am black and blue
But now I understand a loser’s due to win
How every dying man is sure to rise again
So I raise my left hand one, I raise my right hand two
Under the morning sun, my spirit cries to You

I’ve come to understand that God is so much more powerful than I will ever be and that is good. I’ve also come to understand that I might never comprehend how God wields his power, and that is also good. If I were to know too much, I might decide to try to influence it more than I should.

This has helped me believe in God again as my Lord. It has also allowed me to see my friend Chris as an expendable Christian who burned out giving Glory to God, which is the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IN THE WORLD. Anything I leave here on earth when I go must likewise simply exist to give God glory. If it gives me glory, or if my legacy is just mine, then it is worthless.

As the Apostle Paul said in Acts 20:24 –

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me —the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

I remember one day, while running with Chris (Michelle had been unable to join us), he began to share some frustrations with me about the missionary planning process. He just wanted to get to Africa as soon as possible! I wish I had that fire…that determination…that said I would burn at both ends for God, so that, even in my death, I might hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Rest well, my friend. Until we meet again…

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Let’s settle this now: THERE IS NO WIDESPREAD RELIGIOUS PERSECUTION IN THE MILITARY.

A lot of well-intentioned Christians say that we can’t share our faith in the military, or that the Obama administration took away our religious freedom, or that we are accommodating Muslims but not Christians.

It’s just not true.

I think some people genuinely misunderstand what’s really going on. But I also think that some people are preying on the fears of others. For those who are doing so, read this next sentence carefully: KNOCK IT OFF!

No one is taking away our Bibles! President Obama didn’t care if I talked about Jesus or not! And if the President did want me to stop talking about Jesus…and tried to stop me…could I stop? OF COURSE NOT! I have to share my faith in Jesus or I violate Christ’s command (Matthew 28:18-20)! And for those who believe that Trump is the modern American savior of religious freedom, I can’t wait to laugh at you when his term is over.

I admit freely that I have faced some ridicule from my peers in the military. One time I will say it was actual persecution. But I have not experienced, nor has anyone else I know, any widespread persecution in the military. Yet the story keeps getting told that we aren’t allowed to share openly about our faith in Jesus Christ. It’s time to fix this misunderstanding for good.

NO PERSECUTION

First, there is no noticeable persecution in the command structure of the military, certainly not the Navy. In the very few cases where I have been told that it is wrong to talk about my faith, it’s come from peers, never from a command level. In fact, at the command level, I’ve almost always been ENCOURAGED to talk about my faith in order to support the spiritual development of the crew. Of course this has to be at the right time and the right place…same as your work setting.

When I was a Petty Officer 3rd Class, I requested special liberty in a foreign port to paint a church. Not only did the command approve my request (and therefore get me out of duty), they awarded me the Junior Sailor of the Quarter honors for my work! That was in 1998.

Now I’m a Chief Warrant Officer. Knowing that I’m a Christian, my executive officer (XO) came to me and asked me to lead prayers on the loudspeaker each day and lead services on Sundays as we had no chaplain. If the command didn’t want me to talk about my faith, my XO could have just stayed quiet! But he sought me out!

It doesn’t matter if it’s 1998 and I’m a PO3 or 2017 and I’m a CWO3…THERE IS NO PERSECUTION!

RIGHT TIME RIGHT PLACE

Secondly, I share my faith intelligently at the right time and the right place. It’s more about respecting those I’m witnessing to than obeying some non-existent regulation. It is true that we are “always on” duty, and that someone could make the argument that I should never share my faith because we’re always “at work.” Again, no one has. Still, as a sign of respect for my fellow humans, I try to be mindful of work time.

In his excellent book on the subject of sharing Jesus, William Fay talks about sharing with coworkers “on the clock.” In his book, he says, “I do not believe you should take time to present the gospel at work.”* However, he does believe it’s perfectly acceptable to start a conversation that will later lead to a salvation testimony. I’ve done this several times and then, even though we are technically never off the clock, I find times when we’re “off watch” to talk about my savior.  It’s all about right time…right place. It’s no more difficult to be a Christian in the military than it is for you at your office.

BLESS THOSE WHO ARE PERSECUTED

Third, even if I was facing persecution, I could not stop. You know, there was one time when a guy told me I shouldn’t talk about the Bible in a work setting. I looked at a fellow believer, someone who should have stood with me, and said, “Even if I was wrong for talking about God, would it matter? What better way to lose my career than because I talked about Jesus Christ!”

Jesus said that we should be grateful when we are persecuted for our faith (Matthew 5:10-12). Yet I get the feeling that Christians in America want to avoid persecution at all costs! Why is it that we fear persecution? Why do we spend all of our time screaming about how we have the right to talk about Jesus or pray in his name? Why???

There are entire countries where people are ACTUALLY PERSECUTED for their faith. America is not one of them!

WHY THE LIE?

So, if reports of persecution are overblown, why do we keep hearing about it? Again, I think that many people hear something about persecution and assume it’s true. They don’t mean to misrepresent the facts, but they spread these untrue rumors anyway.

I propose three reasons for this.

First, this is about power. We want it, plain and simple. We don’t care if individual hearts are changed…we want our “Christian Nation” back. So we’d rather “vote our conscience” than share our faith.

If there is persecution in sharing our faith, we can scream about how our Christian Nation is against us and we need to vote more. Very seldom do I hear that we need to share the Gospel more…it’s always that we need to get out and vote and/or demand our rights. This frustrates me to no end, especially because the road to revival isn’t in the voting booth, but in the hearts of humans.

Second, the American form of Christianity is about being safe, not about restoring a fallen world to a right relationship with our Creator. We weaken men and women by telling them that their highest calling is to their families and the local church. That’s cute, but not in the Bible. Our claims of persecution keep the weak in faith where they are…in a pew in a musty sanctuary instead of boldly spreading the gospel.

Third, and most importantly, and with a much more damaging eternal consequence, I think we are quick to complain about persecution because we are afraid to talk about Jesus. We will scream about Jesus at the top of our lungs to people who don’t want to listen, but we refuse to talk about him with those who need him most.

I am scared to share Jesus too. I’m afraid of rejection just like you are. But I can’t refuse to share the Name of Jesus and then tell people that I’m being persecuted as an excuse. I have to earn persecution.

If I should ever be disciplined for this post, or for being upfront about my faith, then so be it. I will gladly exchange this wonderful career for my savior’s honor. You can scream “Told you so!” all you want if that happens.

Just imagine though, what Jesus might say to you if there is little to no persecution and I’m right. I doubt it will be, “I told you so.”

Just before going to press, my dad shared with me the story of an Air Force officer who is under investigation for having a Bible on his desk. At first I thought I was reading a Babylon Bee article, but after some research, it seems legit. Is he being persecuted for his faith? A form of it, yes. Notice, however, that he’s facing this persecution as a consequence of his actions, not as a threat before his action. It’s cause and effect. The cause is his Bible on his desk. The effect is the investigation.

Much as I like to discount the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, it appears to be a legitimate attack. I’m not sure how I get away with what I’m doing except to say that he seems to be focused on the USAF.

I’m rambling. Despite the fact that this is a form of persecution, I want to reiterate the point that there is no widespread persecution of Christians in the military. Like what I’ve experienced, these are one-off events.

The scriptures tell us not to be afraid. In his book, Underground Church, Reverend Robin Meyers says, “Our gospel teaches us not to fear death, which has lost it’s ‘sting’ as Paul puts it, but we do.”** We cannot use fear of persecution, no matter how minuscule or severe the threat, as a faith ejection button. Instead, we are to live the way of those who went before us…reckless in our faith and the cause of Christ.

Stop talking about persecution and start earning it, if you dare.

* Share Jesus without Fear, page 22.

** Underground Church, page 155

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I can hear some Christians, the ones who think that going to church on Sunday morning equals a solid effort at expressing their faith, suggest that Sunday morning is where they get their discipleship and where they spend time with Jesus.

Here’s the rub though…Sunday morning doesn’t count. At least not like you think it does. Now, before some of you say, “Well, smarty pants author, fine. I won’t go on Sunday mornings anymore,” let me say that Sunday is indeed important. We should never shun meeting together. In fact, we should do it way more often that you do (speaking to those who would say the previous quote).

But Sunday morning was never designed for you to check off the block marked: “Weekly Opportunity to Pursue One’s Relationship with Jesus Christ.” It was never meant to sign off the discipleship block either. In fact, I suspect you’d be hard pressed to prove that you’re being discipled much at all on Sunday morning.

Yes, the Bible tells us to gather corporately (Hebrews 10:25). We were meant for community. But counting for your week of pursuing Jesus? Hardly.

More like passive participation.

You can do better. So can I. Work to find real discipleship. Work to spend real time with Jesus Christ through personal Bible study and prayer.

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Our family vacationed in Oceanside, California this week. We stayed at a very nice hotel right on Oceanside harbor and went to sleep every night after a gorgeous sunset and woke the next morning with sounds of the surf.

While waiting for my family to wake up one morning, I walked around the marina. Boats…lots and lots of boats.

On this particular morning, I saw a beautiful sailing boat a few rows away from me and started walking in her direction. She drew me in with her varnished wood on her clean, white decks, her blue canvas covering her boom and sails, and her black hull.

When I got closer, I noticed that she looked good from far away, but closer inspection revealed a new truth. That truth was that the varnish was peeling away in many places, the blue that seemed so clear far away had fading where the sun drenched it, and the pristine deck was anything but.

It was then that I Samuel 16:7 struck me. “…For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

And I stopped walking. I’ve been a fool, trying to keep up appearances so people wouldn’t see how fragile I am, while God sees the stripped varnish and sun-drenched stains. His magnified eye can see all of me. All that I’m hoping you won’t see.

I’ve wondered, as someone trying to become a known author, if you’ll ever know the whole me…the one with the emotional scars, the horrible sins, the ruins of past relationships. I wonder if knowing that will make you not want to know me.

Seeing that sailboat, and seeing it again close up, made me realize that it’s not you I should be worried about. I’ve been hoping, all this time, that my far away appearance might just fool God. That maybe he won’t get close enough to me to see my heart, my past, my scars…all of it. And I’m humbled.

He has seen it for eternity, yet he has loved me and loves me still. God is good.

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